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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I’m an estimator, which means I spend my days crunching numbers and trying to figure out how much stuff costs. Boring, right? But today? Oh boy, today was a rollercoaster. I head out to the office, and as I’m walking down Rue des Écoles, I trip over a loose cobblestone. Like, c’mon! Who even maintains these streets? I’m already late, and now I’m face-planted in the pavement. Great start, right?

Gatineau's street names should reflect city's Black history, researcher argues